My Fairytale Version

I don’t want to get married but if I ever do, it would be for someone who meets my standards but as we are desis, I suppose I would want his family to be understanding as well of why I have set my expectations high.

I want a husband and a family who understands that what makes relationships work is compromise from both parties, not expecting sacrifice from a girl who you think you own now because I will be signing nikkah naama.

Marriage has become a tradition and nothing else. We marry, we host big events, we breed for what? Not for love, not for respect, not for something we want but to meet expectations from our family and society.

Because that’s what you are supposed to do.

There are a lot more reasons to live for. Trust me.

I want privacy to exist for us as a couple and also, for me as an individual. (Yes indeed a fairy-tale)
Being married off to an entire family instead of one person? That’s a big no for me.

I’m not marrying your son so you can fire your maid.

So you can wake me up early in the morning if you want something instead of doing it yourself or asking your daughter.

I want respect for my rest, I’m not a robot, I wasn’t born to serve anyone but ALLAH. While I have no issues with doing chores, I am not a servant.

If you tell me it’s my obligation to take care of everyone, I will ask you for proof where it says in Islam that it’s my obligation?

We must do as elders say because that’s obedience? That’s respect?

Doesn’t Islam teach to respect and love those who are younger than you?

Didn’t our Prophet peace be upon him, washed clothes and made food? Played with Aisha R.A as well.

This is sunnat!

Then if a husband buys gifts for the wife, why do you want a share or the whole thing for yourself?

Why marry your son at all if you can’t share him?

Why call him a ran mureed if he takes care of his wife?

I’m not marrying your son so that when he takes me out, you can join us or send his brothers and sisters.

I’m not marrying your son so that the things that I am bringing for my comfort (not for dowry) can be used by everyone else except me.

I’m not going to share the food or things sent by my maikaa with anyone unless it’s a large quantity. If it’s mine, I have rights over it.

I have depression and anxiety since I was a kid, maybe 5 or 6?

I need the person I spend rest of my life with to understand that mental health is just as important as physical health.

Someone who will understand if I’m spending time on bed.

Someone who will love me for who I am not for what I can do for him.

And I want in laws who understand that if someone has a fever, they pray, recite duas but they also take a panadol. The same deal is with mental health illness.

I’m not just ‘sad’.

My imaan may be weak but you have no right to say that to me. You don’t know, only ALLAH knows. And if you judge me like that, it’s pure disrespect even if you’re an elder.

While my husband provides money, I also provide respect, love and care and I expect that in return. This is non negotiable.

I don’t want bungalows and cars but ease. I don’t want to be left seeking things that I need. I can manage with less clothes, shoes, jewelry and makeup but I cannot live without air conditioner in summer and heater in winter.

I want someone who understands that having children will always be a maybe for me and never a yes until I’m absolutely certain I can give a child a life that they deserve.

And till we can make that happen, if my biological clock runs out, then I’ll be okay with adopting. A child is a child, it’s not a trophy that has come out of you.

It’s a pure blessing in any form.

I’m tired of seeing parents who want to see your children without asking you if you want to have children.

I wouldn’t want a life to suffer the way I did in this world.

I have despised the fact that I had no say in being born many times (yes I know it happened with the will of ALLAH and other factors, I understand everything, if you must judge then do it quietly).

I’ve told my mother and rishta aunties NO for giving my pictures as I’m a naqabi.

She may tell them all about me and if they’re still interested, families can meet each other and I will meet the guy without naqab but with hijab on.

I’m not a thing to be decorated and presented then be rejected based on my looks.

And I’ve only studied till 8th grade and have become an author worldwide known for my 3 published books. This is the definition of degrees/certificate if they want one.

And if it’s not acceptable, it’s better done without meeting.

The only certificate I am looking for in a guy is the one who earns from his hard work, who does not take bribe or earns haram. Someone who is actually a human being and has compassion, kindness and a sense of humour.

If all this is impossible and unacceptable then do you remember what I said in the beginning of this?
My fairytale is to remain unmarried.